POLITICO

Here's an interesting article from Politico. I like their work.

Not saying it's true, it's just how I feel

I read this awhile back and every now and then I revisit it. It seems to give words to something I've felt for a long time. Not that it's true, completely but there are pieces.

Ascendant in Capricorn

There's a seriousness to Capricorn rising people that is unmistakable. Even when they're joking around, it's of the deadpan variety. In fact, plenty of very humorous people have Capricorn Ascendants. It's all in the timing...and the fact that they don't giggle before the joke is over. Capricorn Ascendant people project competence. They simply ooze it. They're generally very image-conscious people--the clothes they wear and their manner are a big deal to them. They want to appear successful, and they generally succeed! Often the Ascendant persona is the one that was forced upon us by family conditioning. For example, parents may label their Libra Ascendant child the "nice" one; their Aries Ascendant child the "independent" one; and their Pisces Ascendant child is generally the space cadet of the family. We adopt these roles as familiar ones, and often carry them with us as our defense mechanisms, in some way or another, for the rest of our lives. In the case of Capricorn Ascendants, these were the children who were considered the responsible ones. Sometimes, it was they themselves who looked around them and felt the need to be the structured, dependable, and responsible members of the family. So, often, Capricorn rising people adopted a strong sense of tradition, family, and responsibility at a very young age.

Capricorn rising people are generally big on family, and forever worry about security--for themselves and their dependents. They come across to others as hard-working, competent, and dependable people. What others may not see under that cool, even suave, exterior, is an inner struggle: they often ask themselves, "Am I doing enough?", "Do I deserve all of this?", "How can I make things better?" They worry a lot about the future. If success seemed to have come easy to these folks, it hasn't. They just made it look that way with a patient, hard-working, driven personality. Some Capricorn rising people practice some form of self-denial. They know how to do away with the frivolous. Still, they'll spend money on the clothes they really want (the ones with the right labels, that is), and other status symbols. Although they're rarely showy, their quiet air of success is often a result of conscious effort. More often than not, Capricorn rising individuals are success stories. Their childhoods may have been difficult, but they slowly but surely turn their lives around. Saturn rules this Ascendant, and this generally means a kind of backwards way of living--as children, they are serious and bear a lot of responsibility; and as they grow up, they age beautifully, learning how to loosen up.

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The projecting confidence thing, especially. I feel like I'm rarely challenged because people often just assume I know what I'm doing. So when I am challenged, I assume I'm wrong. That's something I need to address in myself. The sense of humor thing, however, untrue. I often ruin my own jokes by laughing at them - when I'm telling a joke. I guess people have a hard time telling when I'm making a joke sometimes, but I blame that on my obscure sense of humor, not the delivery. And the last bit of the first paragraph - responsibility, strong sense of family and children. Yup.

And the need for security, not just for you but for the people in your life. Uh huh. And the self-doubt. Check. Don't get me wrong, I count it as a fluke that this is as accurate as it is, but that doesn't mean I'll deny that I find it to be mostly accurate. Status symbols - not so much. I realized a couple weeks ago I don't own a pair of black business pumps. How do I get along as an adult without business shoes? So I wear flats and look like a little girl. Meh, I'll work on it but I'm in no hurry. But then maybe that fits into the doing away with the frivolous.

My mom made some comment about how I'd fit in well in the thirties when I made a comment on the frivolity and general pointlessness of diamond jewelry. It's true. I don't care much for fancy stuff. I think that makes it extra special when I do occasionally indulge in wearing a dress or nice jewelry. It makes going out more special.

This is just thought vomit. My point was I should work on coming to terms with myself. But then again, that's kind of the point of all of my blogs.

Census

I'm writing a story about the census right now, and wanted to look exactly what Bachman has stated publicly about the census. I found this sassy portion of a blog entry from the Huffington Post and had to share it. And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that lousy census!

Anyway, yesterday, Michele Bachmann went on the Glenn Beck Common Sense Comedy Hour to talk about all of this. Understandably, Bachmann is concerned with whether the government should know about its citizens' "mental stability." And here is one of Bachmann's amazing insights:

BACHMANN: You know the question that's not on this survey, Glenn? "Are you a U.S. citizen?" This would be your perfect opportunity to find out how many illegal aliens are in the United States.

Of course! That is precisely the way this mystery should be penetrated! I can see it now!

CENSUS TAKER: Okay, next question...are you a U.S. Citizen?

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT: RATS! You caught me!

CENSUS TAKER: I shall now deport you, with my ACORN magicks!

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT: And to think I almost got away with it!

And that's the incredibly true story of how Mitt Romney had to start paying his gardeners actual money!

Conscientous

Most people are not conscientious people. You can't tell them this, however, because most people associate conscientiousness with being kind. Being kind is not the same. Conscientious people are aware - to a fault. Even in the definition: meticulous, careful, painstaking, deliberate.

To be conscientious you have to be aware of consequences, understand the difference between need and desires.

Being conscientious is hard and painful. It is a compliment in the sense that not many people carry that burden.

I've noticed that difference in myself lately. I feel as though I am a conscientious person. But what I would give not to be. Not to be aware of other people's needs, and only my own.

People by nature are selfish - it's a survival tactic. My survival tactic is inhibited and it's hard. It makes surviving hard and often I suck at it. I put other's needs and desires before my own; to the point where I'm never really sure what I want. It's negatively impacted my life, and you know what? It probably always will. Because it's mega hard to change your personality. Most coming of age teen movies warn you against it.

And I come off as smothering, and I have my needs neglected, and I have an unbalanced perception of what is included in 'selfishness.' Selfishness is healthy, just because I'm deficient in it doesn't mean the rest of the world is wrong.

In this country, the public seems so concerned about having its needs looked after. Who's going to watch out for my needs? There's a little disillusionment that comes with thinking, "Well you've got to look out for your own needs. No one else is going to do it for you."

But really, it's true; one must not depend on others to take care of them, but instead step up and being more self reliant.

And I can hear it now - the interdependence of society and all that. Yes, we rely on each other because we need to for survival. I understand. My point is more that we have to be our own advocates, we can't expect someone to advocate for us. No one is going to take the time to figure out what I need and help me get it. I have to be aware of my needs all by myself and make sure they're filled.

And you know what, I'm not going to stop doing this for others. My Gatsby-esque realization won't change my personality. I wish it would, but then it wouldn't be Gatsby-esque, would it?

What I would give to be Dagny Taggert.

Where have all the strong words gone?

awe⋅some  [aw-suhm]
–adjective
1. inspiring awe: an awesome sight.
2. showing or characterized by awe.
3. Slang. very impressive: That new white convertible is totally awesome.

trag⋅ic  [traj-ik]
–adjective
1. characteristic or suggestive of tragedy: tragic solemnity.
2. extremely mournful, melancholy, or pathetic: a tragic plight.
3. dreadful, calamitous, disastrous, or fatal: a tragic event.
4. of, pertaining to, characterized by, or of the nature of tragedy: the tragic drama.
5. acting in or writing tragedy: a tragic actor; a tragic poet.
6. the tragic, the element or quality of tragedy in literature, art, drama, etc.: lives that had never known anything but the tragic.

I think the definitions listed are too broad. Someday we will encounter truly awesome or tragic things and we will not have the words to describe them. I'm with Henry Higgens; let's show a little more reverence for the English language, shall we?

Life updates are all I got right now

I'm sick. And a little stressed. Elections were this week and my editor wants me to talk to both winners and losers - so 23 people total - in the next two days. I'm limiting the interviews to two questions to fit it all in, but still it's hard to get a hold of that many people.

And also I'm not really here. I'm focused on Saturday. When I can, in theory, begin my new car shopping. I found a 2003 Honda Civic, automatic, with CD player, power options, anti-theft device, and - get this - a little less than 40k miles on it. I'm in heaven. I hope nobody buys it between now and then. I get paid tomorrow. I can get my finances in order Friday and Saturday go take a look at it. Until then, let's hope nobody decides to new car shop in Burnsville. That could happen, right?

My car has been slowly going since, well, July and finally died early this month. I've been ride sharing with my mom to get to work all month and I'm hella stoked to have my own vehicle again.

Staying in has been easy this week, too cuz I been real sick, but not sick enough to skip work. Because I'm one of those happy few people who does not have paid sick leave. I don't get articles in, I don't get paid. Yippee. And we have forced vacation in December when the office closes for five days so I've gotta save my vacation and all that. Oh yeah, living the dream.

I'm complain-y because I need a nap. And a little bitter because George just left for the day. At 1:30. He came in at 11. We went to lunch at 11:30. He said he had interviews, but I haven't seen him write an article in weeks, so I don't know where all the stories are that he's interviewing for. Grr, bitter.

Okay, I'm getting unattractive, so I'm going to quit venting and go back to work. Blah.

Wedding

So I'm looking at pictures of my cousins wedding and thinking, "Man I wish I could have been there."

The catch? I was the personal attendant.

I just get myself stressed out over things that are beyond my control. Specifically the things beyond my control. Having some iota of control (real or imagined) is how I cope. I had no (even imagined) iota of control for this wedding and so I checked out. Then when I was all done and it came time for the reception I was wiped.

It's a sad realization. I didn't take the time to stop and enjoy the fact that it was my cousin's wedding.

Hopefully lesson learned - take time to chill out and enjoy moments like that.

Moments I did enjoy: helping her get into her dress and standing with her, fixing her train, as she was about to walk down the aisle. Things only I got to do.

Those are some pretty awesome memories to have.

Looking back, I should have sucked up the "I'm tired" thing and danced at least once at her wedding. I'm just not a chicken dance or electric slide kind of girl.